Friday, December 9, 2011

Pathetically Soliciting Feedback

So, how bad is this query?

Eleanor, in men's clothing, leaves her home on the Texas frontier in a die-and-show-them mood. Letters scattered across the hills lead her to the corpse of a cotton trader, miles off his natural route. She carries the body into town and finds that Lee has surrendered; the western theater has not; the Yankees haven't arrived; the Secesh are running for Mexico; no one is in charge.
In this limbo, it's easy for Eleanor to reinvent herself as Len, just another young man at loose ends; but - what then? She goes to work for the cotton trader's beautiful daughter, Miss Diana Bonvillain, who - despite her tragic circumstances - smiles at Len's jokes. When Len uncovers evidence that Bonvillain's murder may have been planned and executed by one, or both, of his partners, there's no court to present it to, no authority to investigate. One partner is Miss Diana's guardian; the other, her suitor. It's not Len's business; but Len has no business of her own.
And what kind of man would she be if she left Miss Diana to fend for herself in this nest of vipers?
A Lie Worth Living is a 70,600 word YA lesbian western.

Note to self: Buy new flashdrive. That should make the old one turn up.


  1. Hi Peni,

    Congrats on your draft--sounds awesome!

    I've been working with my agent since before the days of query letters, so I'm no use.

    But I have this great group of friends-colleagues, the Texas Sweethearts and Scoundrels, who offer super helpful and really reasonable query critiques (like $30); see:

    Everyone I've sent their way has been thrilled with them.

    Rooting for you!


  2. I should actually have $30 this month if I don't renew my SFWA membership. I'll consider it.

    If I can just get the thing into Len's voice it should work.

  3. The second paragraph pulled me in. I think you can work with that. My 2 cents is get rid of your first paragraph, and hit me with Len really being Eleanor at the end of that second paragraph.

    Sounds like a great story!