Panic

Con registration opens tomorrow. My first panel is at 1:00 on Friday, on Texas Gothic, followed immediately by one on the Future of the Border.

Why am I even on the program? I haven't published in the genre since 2004! I'm not on top of the field! Nobody'll have my books for sale and nobody'll want them anyway! All these people I'm on panels with have qualifications and I'm just a casual autodidact who checkmarked a questionnaire based on "Hey that's interesting!" Nobody knows who I am and by the time I'm done making a fool of myself nobody'll want to! I've made no prior arrangements and don't even know which of my friends will be in town when! This is the big leagues what was I thinking committing to do this? Aaaaaagh!!!!

Yup. Right on time.

But now that I'm over 50, I have access to a calm center that knows I won't even remember my panels afterward because the Public Persona will be in charge. And I'll do better than I think and worse than I could imagine and the worst thing that'll happen is, that I won't do my career any good and will pass up an opportunity. But the best thing is -

I have no idea what the best thing that could happen might be. And that makes it worthwhile.

Because I don't know, no one ever knows, and it can't happen if I don't go out there, bite off more than I can chew, and chew till my jaws ache.

So I'll carry lots of banana chips and some frozen water bottles, get caffeinated to the gills, talk too much when I don't talk too little, and then next week I can be wiped and recover.

So if I miss the garage sale on Sunday, you'll know why.

See you there?